Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Cycle Day 2-Its better today.

So, this song made me cry today.  Its called “Heaven (Little by Little)” by Theory of a Deadman.  I NEVER would have expected a song by them would make me cry.  There is a part in the song that goes “The fact that you keep trying is what sets you apart”.  That hit me like a truck this afternoon.

I’ve had a rough couple of days.  I’ve been hormonal and emotional.  My gut sank yesterday when the doctor told me she wanted to have a consultation with us about our fertility plans.  The next step is obviously IVF.  I know I can’t afford that so I felt like we were close to the end of trying.  But, I went in this morning for my baseline scan, everything is ok and we start on shots tomorrow, and the doctor said that she wants to go over my entire chart together and have an open discussion about IVF.  She isn’t saying we have to do IVF, but wants to go over the costs and details so we can make the choice of going on to IVF or going longer on the shots.  She said with me having been able to get pregnant twice on the shots, she knows it can work for us, its just a matter of how long do we go through with it.  It is going to be a hard discussion to have, but I think its needed. 

My baseline went well and we start the shots tomorrow.  Keeping the dose at 100, Dr. James thinks that is a great level for me.  So we’ll see how it goes.  I’m having a terrible period.  Heavy heavy bleeding, a lot of clotting, and some of the worse cramps I can remember having in a while.  My blood sugar has been wonky because of the bleeding, so I’ve felt like crap. 

I did want to say THANK YOU! to those of you who have reached out to me.  The words of encouragement and support have helped greatly.  I heard from someone last night that I was not expecting to have heard from.  She is an amazing person who has faced death and said “No not me!” and has gone on to become a wife and mother, something that 15+ years ago few would have thought possible.  She has overcome more than I’ve ever been faced with and is such a bright and happy person.  If she can do that, I know I CAN accept the challenges I’ve been given and NEVER give up.  Inspiration and the Divine come to you when you need it most, you just have to want to see it.

So on that note, I’m leaving you with the lyrics to the song that stopped me today. 

Now don't you be afraid
We can always talk about
No need to medicate
Cuz I know you're strong without it
You got me through the days
When I thought I couldn't face it
Let me count the ways
The love we have you can't replace it

Just hold on, I'm not that strong

There's a little piece of heaven
Right here where you are
The fact that you keep trying
Is what sets you apart.
Help me find the reason
And I'll help you find the way
To get rid of all your pain
Little by little, day by day

Now you're far away
And I'm alone to cry about it
It's not a better place
When you die and leave me here to say

Hold on, I was never that strong

There's a little piece of heaven
Right here where you are
The fact that you keep trying
Is what sets you apart.
Help me find the reason
And I'll help you find the way
To get rid of all your pain
Little by little, day by day

You'll get stronger
If you need me, I'm not far away
So, just hold on
I'll help you find the way
I'll help you find the way

There's a little piece of heaven
Right here where you are
The fact that you keep trying
Is what sets you apart.
Help me find the reason
And I'll help you find the way
To get rid of all your pain
Little by little, day by day

Little by little, day by day


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