Cycle Day 5-A kick in the ovary

Day 5 and things are already starting to change.  My right ovary is awake.  While walking around the auto show this afternoon, I felt like I had been kicked in my ovary.  It took my breath away it was so strong.  After about a minute it dulled down and now I have this pressure on my ovary.

Over the last two years, I've learned to feel parts of my body that most women ignore.  This pressure and pain is a sign that the follicles on my ovary are growing.  If I were a 'normal' woman who had regular cycles, I probably would never notice the pressure, if it were indeed able to be felt.  The follistim though, causes multiple follicles to enlarge and prep to pop out eggs.  The ovary pain is a common issue those of us on injectables have, but a sign that its working, so I am glad to feel it.

This was my third day of injections.  Things are going fairly well.  I'm surprised that I have no bruises on my thighs yet.  I figure within the next day or so, that will change.

Tomorrow, I have to give myself my shot, and will have to for the next few nights.  Hubby is off to Houston for work.  If you know me at all, you know that this is a huge feat for me to be able to give myself a shot.  I HATE needles with a passion.  When I was a child, it would take 6 adult men to hold me down for blood work.  But now, I am able to give myself shots, with the pen in the thigh, and with the typical syringe style in the belly.  For me, its another sign of my determination to have a child.

Two years ago when we started this journey, I said that if it came to me having shots, I didn't think I could do it and well, maybe that would end our attempts.  I'm glad that I have been able to move past the immobilizing fear of needles to do this.  This hasn't been without its trials though.  My very first night of injections, I had a panic attack and Hubby had to talk me down from it.  Bawling my eyes out, with my puppy licking my tears, he was able to give me my injection.  Things have gotten better, but I still feel sick to my stomach every evening as the clock ticks closer to 6pm.  The reality is, the injections don't hurt.  The needles are very thin and not very long.  They sting, but its nothing terrible.

Tomorrow, I can do this.  I'll be at my sister's house, so I may talk her into injecting me.  :)  She has helped me out before with it.  Its sweet when my nieces ask to watch.  The older of my sister's daughters, we'll call her B, she asks all sorts of questions.

She knows that I have to have shots of medicine to get my belly ready for a baby.  She also asks me every time she sees me if I have a baby in my belly yet.

The hardest part is when B asks about the babies I had in my belly before.  She asks questions about what happened to them, and how to do you explain miscarriage to a 5 year old?  She experienced the joy we had, and she experienced the pain of loss we had.  The best answer we've been able to give her is that those babies were never going to grow bigger than a piece of rice.  We gave her a piece of rice to hold and explained that a baby that tiny just couldn't live with us.  She understood, I think.  B has her little sister, we'll call her H, but she wants a cousin!  I also think B understands how much her Aunt and Uncle want a baby.  Its special for me because she is taking this journey with us.  She'll get to tell her cousin one day that she helped bring them to life.  She was able to hold my hand and the band aids and the cotton ball while her mommy gave me my shot.  I just hope we aren't messing her up for her later years!  I am afraid when she has to watch 'the video' in school, she is going to ask, well, when do we have to have our shots? 

So many people are on this journey with me and my hubby.  A role as small as holding my hand while I get my shot, has such a big meaning for me.  If you are reading this, you are playing a much larger part in our journey than you may realize.  Thank you.