I swear if I have to see another needle today, I'm going to cry

Blood work and an ultrasound this morning.  Nothing shows up in my uterus or my tubes or anywhere else for that matter.  My lining looks amazing for a pregnant woman.  They take the vial of blood and tell me they'll call this afternoon.

They called this afternoon to let me know my levels went up from 154 to 160. 

I go to the doctor thinking I am going to get that stupid shot of chemo meds.  Instead I get a full blood work up, 3 big vials of blood taken.  They are checking my liver, kidneys, the whole shabang.  I go back Sunday morning to get the shot.  I had to sign waiver forms saying that I knew the meds would end any pregnancy.  That is one of the hardest things to sign, but I've signed it before for my D&Cs.  It just breaks your heart.  I know that this was not a viable pregnancy and that my poor baby has been gone for a while now.  Its just hard to see it on paper.

I did learn some more about the shot though.  It causes all the folic acid in your body to be drained out.  I can't take my vitamins or aspirin for at least a month.  No intercourse during that time either.  Oh, no alcohol, even though I could use some....  But I don't want to end up with liver toxicity.  I also can't be out in the sun without sunscreen or for long times because I'm going to be more likely to sun burn.  I don't know how that is possible with my tendency to burn anyway... 

I really feel like cracking today though.  I just want to cry because I don't know what is going on.  I just don't know.... 

I did come across this on facebook today and I think it was put there for me to see...