Cycle Day 9, He's back!!!

Today is cycle day 9.  There is not a whole lot to report other than the Hubby is finally home from Texas!  I'm happy he is home.  Partially because it meant I didn't have to give myself my shot today.  :)  But mostly because I missed him.

I hope today is my last injection, but I have a feeling it won't be.  One of the signs of being close to ovulation is your mucus thickens.  I know, its gross to think about.   How do you think I feel, watching my mucus levels to see when they reach egg white like consistency?  That is one of the signs that ovulation is close at hand.  Mine are thickening and increasing in volume, but I don't think its quite there.  I guess we'll see tomorrow.

My breasts are starting to get really sore and my ovaries are hurting.  Perhaps I'll get my trigger shot tomorrow.

Tune in tomorrow for an update on my trigger date!

Cycle Day 7-Progress! Oh, and a video

Today is cycle day 7.  I had my doctor's appointment to check the follicle growth. 

Good news!  Big smiles from me today.

The doctor measured 4 follicles and said she wasn't going to measure another 2 or 3 because she could tell they were the same size.  She laughed and said I'm responding faster than I have in the past.  Normally, I do injections for 10-12 nights.  I go back on Thursday and I might trigger then.  If so, that will only be 8 nights.Things are looking great!  I am a little bummed though, my follow up on Thursday will not be with Dr. James, but will be with her partner, Dr. Nash.  He is a great doctor too, but he just isn't Dr. James. 

Now, lets look at the number of follicles.  You might be thinking, OMG 4, possibly 7 eggs?  Is she nuts?  I may be, but... the chances of all of those eggs becoming fertilized, implanting, and making it through to a full term baby are very very very slim!  For the average fertile couple, there is a 25% chance of getting pregnant each cycle.  Now, with me having fertility issues and having had 4 miscarriages, my chances are even less.  I have very good chances of having one of those eggs fertilize and implant.  My chances of it being a successful pregnancy are a bit more grim.  But, I refuse to dwell on the negative possibilities and I am focusing on all of the positive possibilities! 

On to the not so fun part of my day, INJECTIONS, dun dun dunnnnn....

I decided to record my injections tonight.  I apologize, the video is 7 minutes long, but I wanted to do this.  Its video proof for some of you out there that I can actually do this! The video probably would be shorter, but it was a double injection night.... 

I am wearing shorts in this!  I am NOT pants-less!  LOL

I want to say thank you again for taking the time to read my blog.  It means so much that so many people care.  I also hope this helps someone who may be going through this!

Cycle Day 6-By myself?

This morning I dropped my Hubby off at the airport.  He is off to Houston for 3 nights for a conference.  I'm going to miss him, I always do when he travels.  I can already tell, I'm going to have a hard time this time.  My hormones are all jacked up and I'm feeling hyper emotional.

I'll spend my afternoon at my sister's house, with my mom and my mom in law.  So I'll be surrounded by family and won't really be all by myself.  Its a good thing, because today, I don't think I'd do so well by myself.

Well, I'm home now.  I had a wonderful afternoon with my family.  I bought a new bracelet for me and a present for a good friend at the jewelry party my sister had.  I needed the girl time. 

My sister gave me my shot.  I think she gets more nervous than I do.  But she does a good job.  I still haven't bruised, and I'm shocked! 

I'm back to the doctor tomorrow at 11:45 to check the growth of my follicles.  I'm hoping for a couple on each side.  I would love to have more than a few pop this time.  It increases our changes, and you know what, if we end up with twins, I'd be ok with that.

I don't have much else to say tonight.  Trying to adjust to the time without my hubby.  We'll see how well I can sleep.

Cycle Day 5-A kick in the ovary

Day 5 and things are already starting to change.  My right ovary is awake.  While walking around the auto show this afternoon, I felt like I had been kicked in my ovary.  It took my breath away it was so strong.  After about a minute it dulled down and now I have this pressure on my ovary.

Over the last two years, I've learned to feel parts of my body that most women ignore.  This pressure and pain is a sign that the follicles on my ovary are growing.  If I were a 'normal' woman who had regular cycles, I probably would never notice the pressure, if it were indeed able to be felt.  The follistim though, causes multiple follicles to enlarge and prep to pop out eggs.  The ovary pain is a common issue those of us on injectables have, but a sign that its working, so I am glad to feel it.

This was my third day of injections.  Things are going fairly well.  I'm surprised that I have no bruises on my thighs yet.  I figure within the next day or so, that will change.

Tomorrow, I have to give myself my shot, and will have to for the next few nights.  Hubby is off to Houston for work.  If you know me at all, you know that this is a huge feat for me to be able to give myself a shot.  I HATE needles with a passion.  When I was a child, it would take 6 adult men to hold me down for blood work.  But now, I am able to give myself shots, with the pen in the thigh, and with the typical syringe style in the belly.  For me, its another sign of my determination to have a child.

Two years ago when we started this journey, I said that if it came to me having shots, I didn't think I could do it and well, maybe that would end our attempts.  I'm glad that I have been able to move past the immobilizing fear of needles to do this.  This hasn't been without its trials though.  My very first night of injections, I had a panic attack and Hubby had to talk me down from it.  Bawling my eyes out, with my puppy licking my tears, he was able to give me my injection.  Things have gotten better, but I still feel sick to my stomach every evening as the clock ticks closer to 6pm.  The reality is, the injections don't hurt.  The needles are very thin and not very long.  They sting, but its nothing terrible.

Tomorrow, I can do this.  I'll be at my sister's house, so I may talk her into injecting me.  :)  She has helped me out before with it.  Its sweet when my nieces ask to watch.  The older of my sister's daughters, we'll call her B, she asks all sorts of questions.

She knows that I have to have shots of medicine to get my belly ready for a baby.  She also asks me every time she sees me if I have a baby in my belly yet.

The hardest part is when B asks about the babies I had in my belly before.  She asks questions about what happened to them, and how to do you explain miscarriage to a 5 year old?  She experienced the joy we had, and she experienced the pain of loss we had.  The best answer we've been able to give her is that those babies were never going to grow bigger than a piece of rice.  We gave her a piece of rice to hold and explained that a baby that tiny just couldn't live with us.  She understood, I think.  B has her little sister, we'll call her H, but she wants a cousin!  I also think B understands how much her Aunt and Uncle want a baby.  Its special for me because she is taking this journey with us.  She'll get to tell her cousin one day that she helped bring them to life.  She was able to hold my hand and the band aids and the cotton ball while her mommy gave me my shot.  I just hope we aren't messing her up for her later years!  I am afraid when she has to watch 'the video' in school, she is going to ask, well, when do we have to have our shots? 

So many people are on this journey with me and my hubby.  A role as small as holding my hand while I get my shot, has such a big meaning for me.  If you are reading this, you are playing a much larger part in our journey than you may realize.  Thank you.

Cycle day 2

Today is Cycle Day 2.  I hardly slept last night.  I think a lot of my sleeplessness is coming from the excitement I have about getting started back on treatments.  I feel like I’m one step closer to holding my baby, I guess. 

I’m also not eating much.  A bowl of cereal for breakfast, about 8 bites of Mexican lasagna at lunch and one small brownie.  Normally, I eat a good amount.  Such it is with a lot of us with PCOS.  You crave carbs.  There are days where I feel like if I don’t get a piece of bread or some cake that I will murder someone!  This is one of the cruelties of PCOS.  You crave carbs to the point you feel ill if you don’t get them, but then once you’ve eaten them, your waistline pays.  One of the aspects of PCOS is insulin intolerance.  A quick lesson in insulin intolerance or resistance.  When you eat sugars (carbs) your pancreas produces insulin to break down the glucose in your blood.  When you are intolerant or resistant, your body doesn’t produce the right amount of insulin or it just flat out doesn’t know what to do with it.  This is also how diabetes works….  I am essentially pre-diabetic, however its not going to matter if I fully develop full blown diabetes in the future because my body still won’t know how to process insulin, natural or through treatment.  The chances are, I won’t die from diabetes complications, but I’m going to feel pretty miserable!  Now for the best part of all, because my body doesn’t break the carbs down, it stores them as fat!  In order to lose weight, I would have to cut out carbs, completely.  This means ZERO carbs.  No ketchup, no BBQ sauce, no bread, no cake, no ice cream, NOTHING with a carb in it.  Or, I could try this medicine called Metformin.  This lovely horse pill has been used for the treatment of diabetes since the 1920s.  The medicine has a full history, but I won’t go into that.  What I will share is how this medicine is used to help PCOS ladies lose weight and possibly help to regulate your cycles.

When you eat anything with carbs, it is usually broken down higher up in your system.  The glucose is then absorbed into your bloodstream, and in PCOS ladies, stored in your belly fat.  Metformin, however, prevents the breakdown of carbs into glucose until they have reached your lower digestive tract.  Your intestines can’t break down the carbs very well, allowing for less absorption and ‘storage’ of these evil particles.  This should in turn, allow you to lose weight since you are not taking in the carbs from your food that you normally would.  There is one not so nice effect of the medicine though… if you do eat a carb laden meal, you will feel miserable and in the potty for a bit.

Seems like a miracle drug, right?  Well, for some it is.  However you have a 50/50 chance of this doing anything for you for weight loss and guess which category I fall into!  That’s right, the category of no help.  I’m on a high dosage, 1000mg twice a day.  I feel better taking it than I do not taking it.  I just wish I could lose some of this flab.  The beauty in losing weight is that your cycles can become regular, which in turn means a higher chance of getting pregnant.

Ok, enough of the medicine talk.

I had my appointment at 9:45 this morning.  I love my doctor.  She is a reproductive endocrinologist, or what some people would call a fertility specialist.  On top of helping people achieve their dream of parenthood, she can help patients who are not trying to get pregnant have a more normal life.  Endocrine disorders, especially the ones that effect the reproductive areas of your body, can be a hassle to deal with on a daily basis (excessive hair growth, painful cysts, etc) and she can help a person manage them.  But more than a doctor, my doctor, Dr. James is a wonderful person.  She has answered so many questions, explained so many things.  When we lost our babies, she held my hand and cried with me in the operating room while I waited for the anesthetic to take effect so she could perform the D&Cs.  She has become such a huge part of my life, and my husband’s as well. 

We had taken a few months off, ok, so we had taken almost 6 months off, of treatments.  Today was my first visit back with her.  We talked a little about why we had chosen to take some time off.  Mostly it was to get through the holidays and it allowed me to transition into my new position at work (no more travel which means I’m better able to focus on getting pregnant).  She did my ultrasound. 

This is the ultrasound machine.  The long phallic shaped object is the ultrasound wand that they use for a transvaginal ultrasound.  If you’ve ever had an ultrasound early in a pregnancy, you are familiar with this thing….

Everything looked clear.  This is a photo of the measurements of my uterus and ovaries.  Thrilling isn’t it?

My uterus had a healthy lining and my ovaries are cyst free.  We discussed my dosage of Follistim.  I’ll start out at 100 tomorrow and return for another ultrasound and blood work on Monday.  Four days at 100 means I should have several follicles grow.  Previously we have done alternating dosages of 100 and 75 to make sure we don’t get too many.  I meant to ask her what her thoughts are about stimulating more follicles this round….  In the past she has been worried about multiple births, but with the chances of that so low on just injectables, I’d be willing to risk it if it gives us a higher chance as conceiving a healthy child.  Anywho, I’m rambling.

My prescriptions were called into the pharmacy.  3 vials of Follistim, 1 dose of HCG, and progesterone vaginal suppositories.  Yes, I said vaginal suppositories….  Those will come into play after my shot of HCG in the next 10-14 days.

Tomorrow, I'll fill you in the injectables.  The what, how, and why.

Tomorrow, the Ides of March.  Tomorrow, the one year anniversary of losing our most recent baby.  Technically, its their birthday isn’t it?  I leave you with one final image:

Cycle Day 1

Today is cycle day one. 

So what does this mean in the path of trying to conceive?  It means it is the first day of my period, menstrual flow, aunt flow, whatever you want to call it.

This month's cycle was triggered from a medicine called Provera, or Medroxyprogesterone.  You take it for 10 days, then you'll get your period usually within two weeks after your last dose.  While taking the medicine, you get a lovely variety of side effects:  sore breasts, acne, growth of facial hair (which if you have PCOS you already deal with this on a daily basis!), loss of hair on your head, upset stomach, weight gain, drowsiness, and difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep.  Yuck!  I've felt all of these this round. 

For all of you ladies reading this who get regular cycles, you know the normal issues we all have, cramps, cravings, etc.  Now, when you have a period triggered by Provera, imagine everything times 10.  I've said it before, but my insides feel like they are being mixed with a hand powered egg beater.  I haven't slept more than 6 hours a night in days.  If you know me, you know that is really unusual!  I'm also not eating a whole lot right now, so I have even less energy. 

Cycle Day 1 means a call to the doctor to have your 'base line scan'.  My appointment is set for 9:45 tomorrow morning.  Your base line is normally done on day 1 or 2.  Your base line scan is a transvaginal ultrasound.  They take a wand, cover it with a condom and it is placed in your vaginal canal.  The doctor then pushes around on your abdomen to get your ovaries to move around so they can get an ultrasound photo of each ovary, on all sides.  This is done to make sure that no follicles (the little fluid filled pouches that your eggs will pop out of) are too big, or cystic.  You will also have blood work done to check on your hormone levels.

So, this is what I get to experience tomorrow.  Fun stuff!

I hope to be able to get a photo from the ultrasound to share what my ovaries look like.

Now I get to try to go to sleep.  I doubt sleep will come easily tonight....