Cycle Day 19-Ouchie belly button!

Woo boy....  My belly button area feels strange!  Just under my belly button, maybe a half an inch to the left, I am having this strange pinching pulling feeling.  It started this afternoon while we were heading to Cici's for lunch.  Just BAM, there it was.  I thought maybe my pants were sitting strangely or digging in, but they weren't.  Its been coming off and on all day.  I still have some slight burning in my uterus, but not as much today.  My right ovary is still painful.  Out of nowhere it will start aching.  I wish I could fully explain how it all feels!

I've been looking around online to see if I can get any explanation of the pinching under the belly button.  The only thing I've found isn't helping my mental state, everything I've found is that it is a common early sign of pregnancy.  Eek!  I hope!  LOL  How can you not start to get excited???

I'm trying to fill the hubby in on all the symptoms or weird things I've been feeling.  After telling him about the pinchy belly button, he laughed and said that he doesn't remember all of these things in the past pregnancies.  We are both holding all of them as positive signs. 

I bought a jar of dill pickles today and ate some as soon as I got home.  They tasted so wonderful.  I've been wanting some strong flavors the last day or so.  We had Cici's for lunch because I wanted a variety of flavors.  I had a little of almost every pizza they had, a salad, and cinnamon rolls and enjoyed every bite!

Here is a scary thought I've had.  With the intensity of these feelings, could it be more than one if I am pregnant???

I also have a decision to make about testing.  The doctor who did my insemination (IUI) says you can test 2 weeks after the IUI procedure, which would be a week from tomorrow.  However, my normal doctor, Dr. James, she says 2 weeks 2 days post IUI.  Should I breakdown and test next Sunday or wait the extra two days?

My brain is working over time today and I wish it wasn't.  I don't want to be let down....

Day 18-Changes!

Today has been a rough day.  I woke up this morning feeling pretty good.  I have this soreness in my lower belly, by my uterus/bladder area, that feels like I’ve been doing sit ups all night.  Other than that I felt fine, nothing different.  Hubby and I talked in the bathroom while we were both getting ready for work.  It was a nice moment of closeness we shared because we are both going through this and it is sharing how each other feel.  We mostly just talked about how I’m feeling and if I have noticed any symptoms yet.  I am 5 days past ovulation date.  Symptoms could start showing up any day now.  This morning, I had nothing to really report other than the sore belly and a slowing down of my potty abilities….  Not constipation, but slower.

This afternoon however, ugh.  My tummy is still sore.   I have this stabbing pain around my right ovary whenever I move and off and on when I’m just sitting.  There are times it almost takes my breath away.  I think it may be the corpeus lutium.  I think it is setting up shop!  I’m having some strange spasm feelings in my cervix and my cervical mucus is getting to be this thinner white consistency.  My pants have apparently shrank during the late morning, early afternoon because I had to unbutton them and they are now being held closed with a rubber band.  I’ve eaten pretty much anything and everything I’ve laid eyes on and am still starving!  I’ve drank several glasses of water and still feel thirsty, which has led to more peeing.  There have been several times this afternoon I’ve had to fight to keep from laying down and sleeping. 

At first, its easy to get excited about these symptoms.  But remember, I’m on progesterone suppositories, so it could just be from them.  Or, it could be early pregnancy symptoms.  Its so heart wrenching to feel these things and not know.  I’m getting excited from feeling them, but I’m so afraid of the potential let down that could be coming in a week and a half.

Days 16 & 17

Sorry for skipping another day.  We went to the hockey game last night.  It was a late game, but it was ok because the Jackets tromped Detroit!  Being hormonal at the game made me cheer even harder, so I guess there are some perks to those stupid little white suppositories!

I am feeling a little hormonal, but not terrible.  I’ve been a bit whiney and a bit short tempered.  Hubby called me out on it last night after talking to me on my drive home and I was complaining about all of the other drivers.  I just had to laugh, because I knew deep inside that I was being silly about it, but I also felt like I couldn’t stop it.  I’ve found its much better to just let it out than to hold it in when I’m feeling like this.  I do not want to recreate the ‘Great Baked Potato Incident’.  It was 7 or 8 years ago, I honestly can’t remember, but I was taking Clomid in the hopes I’d get pregnant.  Clomid is handed out pretty freely by gynos to try and get you pregnant, but they have no monitoring while you are on it so you don’t know if it is working or not.  I never got pregnant and in the trial of it with the fertility doctor, I know that I don’t respond to it, even in the highest dosage available.  All it managed to do was make me a hormonal psycho!  So, one night I was making dinner and we were going to have baked potatoes.  I put them in the toaster oven so that I didn’t have to turn the oven on.  Two hours later, the stupid things hadn’t even really started to cook.  I had never really used a toaster oven before and threw the thing out shortly after this night.  I had a meltdown.  I cried and cried and cried for 2, almost 2 ½ hours over these potatoes.  It wasn’t even so much about them as it was I was mad because I was crying and couldn’t stop.  Hubby, be the good man he is, made some French fries to go with dinner and we ate, while I was still crying.  He tried to calm me down, but no matter what he or I did, I couldn’t stop.  We now joke about it, but at the time, I was so mad at myself for acting like that and not being able to stop it.  When the fertility doctor said she wanted to start with Clomid, Hubby’s face went pale.  I knew he was remembering the Baked Potato Incident.   

Physically, I’m sore.  My insides still hurt and I have this weird twinge-y pain that comes and goes on my right hip.  Its deep, so I’m not sure if its still from my ovaries doing their thing or not.  Mentally, my mind is going 90 different directions.  Its very hard to get anything done.  I am counting down the days until I can pee on that lovely stick, all the while trying to remind myself that it may not work this round.  I don’t want to be too devastated if I only get one pink line.  I also keep thinking to myself, even if it is two pink lines, that doesn’t mean that everything is ok.  I’ve had the positive tests before and still I don’t have a baby to hold.  As I’ve said before, I am trying really hard to keep a positive mind set.  I can’t dwell on the past, but its always there, nagging me.  I know deep in my heart, until I can hold my baby in my arms, I’m going to always be waiting for the worse.  And even after the little one does get here, I’ll have a whole new set of worries.  I certainly hope I’m not prematurely aging myself with all of this worry!  Adding to my mental jumble is a coworker who is due any day now, just left work maybe 30 minutes ago to start maternity leave.  I am envious of her.  She is scared about the labor, about being a mom, and scared about all of it that goes with the grounds of being a mom.  I am jealous that she is feeling these feelings.  I want to be scared about the kind of mother I’ll be, rather than being scared of never being a mother.

In all of the hub-bub of her getting ready to have her son, it has me thinking of the future.  If this round works, we’d be due around December 17^th.  A baby born around the holidays, a baby born around their daddy’s birthday….  Sometimes I feel like I’m giving myself false hope by thinking about these things.  I question if other women who’ve experienced similar struggles have done the same or am I just some nut who likes to torture herself?

Only 11 days to go until I get to pee on that expensive stick!

Cycle Days 14 & 15

Sorry for no post yesterday.  I was off enjoying the day with my niece, sister in law and mother in law.  We had a day of smiles and laughs.  I needed it more than I realized.

My insides hurt.  I feel like I have a urinary tract infection in my uterus.  That is the best way to describe it.  It kind of feels like I have to pee a lot and there is tightness in the muscles around my ovaries and uterus.  I believe it is from the eggs popping out and having a tube moved around in my uterus to deposit the swimmers. 

Here is the weird thing.  In the two rounds of treatment when I got pregnant, I had this feeling, but if I didn't get those feelings, I didn't get pregnant.  I don't know if I am just crazy or if there is something to it!  Anyway, I have this feeling this time, so I'm thinking positive thoughts.

I'm trying to think positive thoughts no matter what.  Sometimes its hard.  I keep thinking of the future and what it will be like to bring our baby home.  I've had dreams and goals for the babies I've lost, so it doesn't surprise me to have dreams and goals for a baby that may not even be conceived yet. 

I'll tell you something else, sex is usually fun!  But have you ever had to have sex for several days in a row at certain times in certain positions, even if you weren't really up for it?  Do you know how much of a pain it is to have to lay in the same spot for 20 minutes afterwards when all you want to do is pee and go to sleep?!  This can take a toll on a marriage.  It starts to lose the spontaneity and excitement when you have  to do it!  I think after almost 10 years of timed sex on an almost monthly basis, we are doing well though.  There is a distinct difference in baby making sex and 'normal' romantic sex.  Thankfully!  :)

Tonight I start my progesterone vaginal suppositories.  These little white 'pills' go inside your vaginal canal at bed time. 

Progesterone is a pregnancy hormone.  My body doesn't produce quite enough of this hormone to support a healthy pregnancy.  The progesterone is produced by a cyst that forms on your ovary after ovulation.  This cyst is called a corpus luteum.  So I have to take these suppositories in the hope that I do get pregnant and my body is ready to carry the little bean.  The downside is that I will start to experience pregnancy symptoms within a few days.  Sore breasts, sleepiness, sometimes nausea, etc.  This is a bit taxing on your mental state when all you want is to get pregnant and your body is acting like its pregnant, even if you may not be! 

Another not so fun part of these, they can force your body to continue to carry a baby that will never grow.  This has happened with my last two miscarriages.  I carried my babies for a few weeks after they stopped growing.  One thing that I appreciated from that though, was the ability to have our babies tested to find out what happened.  Non-recurring chromosomal abnormalities.  These pregnancies usually end on their own before a mother even realizes she is pregnant, but because of the progesterone, your body keeps thinking nothing is wrong.

I refuse to go on anymore on this sad subject today.  I want to be happy and positive right now.  I want a happy home for a baby to settle in!  I'll check in tomorrow and let you know if I'm having a happy bunny or an angry bear kind of day!  Keep up the prayers and positive energies for us, and for any person who may be suffering from infant loss or infertility.

Cycle Day 13--Early morning basteing

6:30 came really early this morning.  But, considering we had a 7:30 drop off of Hubby's little swimmers, I had to wake up. 

As weird as it is for me to have doctors 'in my business' every few days, I can't imagine how weird it must be for hubby and his part.  He must deposit his little swimmers into a specimen cup, at a certain date and time.  The cup then rides, tucked inside a coat pocket to keep them body temp, to the doctor.  There, he passes them off to a lab tech, today a young woman, and fill out a sheet that asks things like how his sample was collected and what time.

After the drop off we have to wait an hour and a half for me to come back for my IUI.  We usually go for a nice breakfast and try not to think about what our day holds.  Today we tried a place called Mimi's Cafe, and it was really good!

Back to the doctor's office at 9:00.  My favorite nurse, Val, she gets us checked into a room and has a little vial that carries Hubby's cleaned swimmers.  To 'clean' them, they are spun out of the fluid they are in, into a sterile fluid that is hot pink in color.  On the vial they have Hubby's name, the last four digits of his social security number and my name. Val verifies Hubby's name and social, hands me my paper towel sheet and off she goes, telling us the doctor will be in shortly. 

This weekend I've been seeing Dr. Moretuzzo.  He is a soft spoken and friendly doctor.  The doctors in this practice are some of the nicest and most loving doctors I have ever encountered.  Dr. Moretuzzo comes in and gives us Hubby's numbers.  The count is 97 Million with 90% motility.  The average count is about 30 million, so these are great numbers!  Hubby watches what he eats and drinks in the days leading up to our IUI to maximize his numbers.  Seems to be working!  So, Dr. Moretuzzo inserts a speculum (that lovely device they use in our annual visits for pap smears) to open  the canal so he can see my cervix.  He then uses a catheter that is made specifically for IUI.  This is what is looks like

Its like a long straw on a syringe that injects the swimmers into my uterus.  You actually don't feel much at all, for me, I only feel a slight tickle on my cervix when it passes through.   The doctor is able to aim the catheter so that they can deposit some swimmers on a particular side, or some on both if you have eggs on both sides.  This puts them as close as possible to the eggs, ensuring more of them make it.  The doctor then takes everything back out and pulls out the foot rest on the exam table for you to rest for 10 minutes or so.  And that is it!  That is all there is to an IUI.  After your 10 minutes, off you go.

Now, for the next few days, we have to go at it on our own, just to increase our changes.  There won't be a whole lot to report on.

Physically though, I hurt.  My breasts are super super sore and my ovaries are cramping a lot.  I'm not looking forward to starting the progesterone in a couple of days. 

We now wait 2 weeks and 2 days to take a pregnancy test.  Fingers are crossed, toes are crossed, prayers are being said, and baby dances are being done!

Cycle Day 12--Sorry I'm late!

I apologize for not posting yesterday, so I'll post this morning instead.

Yesterday, I took a nap that ended up being a 4 1/2 hour long nap!  These hormone shots are knocking me for a loop.

I triggered yesterday.  This was done with an injection in my right hip.  This is probably the least painful shot in the whole process.  However, it makes the surrounding area very sore.  We ended up going to watch the Blue Jackets practice after my appointment and it was a bit uncomfortable to sit in those seats!

The good news though.  I had 3 eggs that would for sure be popped out and possibly two more that could trigger.  The one follicle measured a .24, another a .23 and another a .18.  Anything over a .16 usually triggers.  I had two more that were about .147.  If I had enough of the follistim in my body, those could release as well.  Each 24 hour period of follistim, your follicles grow about .2.  Therefore; if I had enough follistim, the two .147 could reach a .167, being big enough to trigger.

Having 3 eggs is a great amount.  On any regular cycle for a woman who has 1 egg, you have a 25% chance of getting pregnant.  You can do the math here and look at how promising 3 eggs are and how much more promising 5 eggs are!

Since its still early in the day and I have a whole day of fun ahead of me, I'll not share my morning events with you yet.  There was enough happening yesterday for one post!

Cycle Day 11-Shots in a downtown parking garage

Not a whole lot on my mind today.  I am very very sleepy and my body hurts.  I'm still trying to convince Hubby that I need to cut my breasts off.  They hurt from the inside out.  My mucus is nice and thick like it should be, but its a little ucky...

Oh, and today, I had to do my shot in a downtown parking garage.  We had a hockey game tonight and there is no place to do my shot other than the bathroom.  Hubby said that he would do my shot, but we had to do it in the car in the parking garage.  Thankfully, we were able to park in a corner where there weren't many people and there was a nice large pillar blocking anyone from seeing me with my pants around my knees!

Tomorrow, we are supposed to trigger!  My appointment is at 9:45.  Hopefully I'll be getting my injection in my hip around 10!  That means turkey basting on Sunday morning.  YAY!