Day 27

Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!

I'm not in a great mental state today.  I'm worried.  I'm still spotting.  Its dark, no fresh blood, but its still coming.  Its only when I wipe and it is mixed in my mucus, but I'm worried.

I'm so afraid that I'm not pregnant.  I'll have to do this all over again.  Another month of disappointment....

The only thing that is keeping me somewhat positive is the fact that I'm having no symptoms of a period coming.  No cramps, no real moodiness, just nothing that points to it, other than the spotting.

I'm still having the belly button pinching, the ovary pains, the sore breasts. 

I just don't know what to think, and my heart hurts....

Cycle Day 25 and some of Day 26-sorry its late!

I'm sorry my post for cycle day 25 is coming the morning after.  I went out with my friend last night and didn't get home until late!  But it was fun and needed!

Yesterday was kind of a weird day.  I was so tired, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through work without falling asleep.  I came home and took a nap before going out! 

Mentally, I was so not with it.  I felt spacey.  My brain certainly was not on work and not on anything important.  I know I use this term a lot, but I felt wonky.

Physically, my breasts still hurt.  The ovary pains come and go.  I'm so nauseous, feeling like I've just been spun around 50 times!  The thought of anything sweet makes me want to hurl.

However, I have one thing that has started that I'm a little concerned about.  Last night when I went to the bathroom, there was some dark brown spotting on the paper.  This could be from a couple of things.  I could be implantation bleeding.  I know from the fact it was brown that it was older blood, could have been up to 4 days old.  It takes a while for it to all clear your body, especially when its in small amounts.  There wasn't a lot, just some brownish colored mucus.  This seems pretty typical of implantation bleeding.  Brownish mucus that can last for a week, but never a flow like your period. 

I could be from the progesterone suppositories.  They can dry the vaginal canal and irritate the cervix and cause some bleeding.  I have issues with cysts on my cervix anyway, and they bleed a little bit if they are irritated.  Come to think of it, that is almost exactly what the spotting looks like.  When I've irritated or popped one of the cysts.  Not much blood, just enough to stain your mucus....  hmmmm....

But, it could be pre-period spotting....  If that is the case, this round didn't work and no baby for us yet.

I'm trying not to think about it too much, but I didn't sleep the greatest last night.

I get up this morning and go pee, there is nothing on the paper.  An hour later when I went pee again, there was some spotting.  I just peed again about 15 minutes ago and there was hardly anything noticeable on the paper. 

It has my mind in an uproar because I feel so sure that this is the cycle.  This is the month its going to work, but what if it didn't?  I know the reality of it is that it may not have worked and we'll do this all again.  Mentally though, I'll be a train wreck.  An absolute ball of crazy for a few days.

I'm scared and worried and just feeling like I want to cry.  Instead, I think I'm going to take a nap and maybe it'll go away.

Cycle Day 24

Not much to say today I guess.

I'm freaking tired.  I made it so far without a nap.  I don't know how much longer I'm going to be awake though!

I've peed a ton today.  10 times today, easily.  I'm also drinking a lot more.  I had drank 4 16oz glasses of water at work today, that is twice my normal.  I've drank quite a bit more water since I got home too!

I'm in a much better state of mind today though.  I really am hoping I'm pregnant, but you know what, if I'm not, we'll do this again.  If I am, we'll pray that our baby grows happy and healthy! 

Oh, my pants, I couldn't button them this morning.  I wore an identical pair on Monday and they buttoned just fine.  Tried to button the pair I put on this morning and couldn't.  I zipped them just fine, but the button was like an inch away from closing.  Out came the rubber band!

No egg roll cravings today.  Sweet things have sounded terrible to me.  We were talking about ice cream at work, and I just said, "I want nachos".  Nachos sound amazing.  I want strong flavors and spicy flavors.

My ovaries have been poking at me a lot today.  This evening, I've gotten the belly button pinching.  I have no idea what is causing the pinching.  I've read that it could be from your uterus expanding.  I know that it would seem early for your uterus to be growing, but it actually starts growing as soon as conception starts.  There is so much growing and prepping that your body has to do, I'm surprised there aren't more aches and pains!

Well, I think I'm going to try to get some sleep.  I'm so tired.  Only 5 more sleeps until I get to pee on a stick!

Cycle Day 23-Egg Rolls!

Today I had a terrible craving for egg rolls.  Thanks to my friends who went with me for chinese for lunch.  It hit the spot.  However, afterwards I felt like crap! 

I've been nauseous off and on today.  Its comparable to motion sickness.  I don't feel like I could throw up, I just don't feel comfortable.

My right ovary has been doing its thing.  It lets me know it there, just when I start to think I've stopped feeling it, it kicks me in the side again.  I've had the belly button pinching a couple times today.

I've been constipated.  Yuck.  I hate it when things slow down.  Its very uncomfortable. 

I'm so tired, I wanted to take a nap at work today.  I've been having the weirdest dreams at night, so my sleep just hasn't been restful.  Last night I had a dream that I got contact lenses and was having a hard time putting them in.  These were made to wrap all the way around your eyeball!

I've been peeing more than I normally do.  I think I've peed 6 or 7 times.  In a normal day, I pee maybe 4 times, if that...

I'll be honest though, even with all of these symptoms, I'm not sure that I am pregnant.  I am kind of in that mental state of denial.  At least I think I am.  I kind of feel like this is never going to happen.  Like I'm just not meant to have a child.  I don't know where the depressed feelings have come from all of a sudden.  I've been feeling so positive until today.  Today, I just feel like nothing is going to happen....  I guess we'll see how my state of mind is tomorrow....

Cycle Day 22-Queasy

Ugh, the queasiness has started.  It hit about 15 minutes after lunch.  I started burping and my stomach just felt uneasy.  It has come and gone.  I've never felt like I could throw up, just kind of that nervous fluttering you get on a hilly car ride. 

Last night, I was woken up twice by my right ovary screaming at me.  I haven't been woken up by my ovaries before, this was new!  I woke up feeling more tired than I did when I went to bed.  I've been super sleepy all day, but not really to the point I feel like I could pass out.  I certainly could go to bed for the night right this moment, but I don't feel like I can't stay awake.  I'm close, but not quite to that point.

My breasts are very tender.  I have a few larger veins on the tops of my breasts that I can see have gotten much more blue.  Hubby says he thinks my nipples are even darker and that my breasts are fuller. 

I'm peeing a whole lot more.  And drinking more too I think.  For all the peeing I'm doing, I'm surprisingly swollen.  My fingers look like sausages!  My belly still is bloated too.  I am keeping my buttons undone on my pants.

I've been doing some more thinking about taking my test too.  I think I am going to stick it out and test on Tuesday, so that means one more week!  The reason I've decided to wait is in case of a chemical pregnancy.  This is what happens when you conceive, but there is something wrong and the pregnancy terminates itself naturally.  You have a period, maybe a day late, but 99% of the time, you never know  you are pregnant.  Waiting the extra two days can help to rule that out.  There is no saying by waiting two days that it will guarantee you won't lose your baby, but it can save you some mental anguish. 

I am wearing every day my necklace that Hubby gave me.  It is a moonstone and it is for fertility.  I'm also carrying a prayer bag of crystals from my best friend, every single day.  I do believe the energy they've put into these items will help!  Prayer, to what ever Deity you believe in and energies sent out, they do make a difference!

Cycle Day 21

And so the psycho moments begin....

I've felt very very unstable today.  I go from happy thoughts about the possibility of being pregnant to freaking out about how I'll handle it if I'm not.  A good friend told me to just chill out.  LOL  I tried.  I'm feeling a bit more stable, but no quite my 'normal' self.  I've felt wonky all day though.  Something feels off.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, things aren't 'normal'. 

I'm not having the belly button pinching anymore, but my ovaries are still occasionally reminding me they are still there!  It sometimes will take my breath away!  My breasts are more tender today and Hubby swears the areola and nipples are darker.  I guess he'd know better than me, I don't spend that much time staring at my breasts!  I'm feeling more tired too.  And good lord am I eating!  I feel like I'm just never full.  My sense of smell seems to be picking up too.  I kept smelling cigar smoke during lunch today.  I also thought I smelled egg rolls, but I couldn't find them.  Boy did they smell good too!  I wanted an egg roll after that!

This afternoon, I was talking to Hubby about some of my fears.  One of them is having twins.  I wouldn't even necessarily call it a fear, but maybe more of a thought.  I wouldn't mind twins.  It would solve one problem of me wanting more than one child and not wanting to go through fertility treatments all over again.  Anyway, I was having a moment and asked Hubby OMG, what if we have twins, what are we going to do?  His response :well if it happens, it happens.  Nothing we can do but love them all.

It made me smile.  Its just another reason why I love him.  He can talk me down out of a panic in just one statement.  It isn't going to matter to him what the outcome is, he is going to love me and our children anyway.

I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to test on Sunday or wait the extra two days....

 

Cycle Day 20

This morning, my day was busy, busy, busy, this afternoon, I slept!  I ended up sleeping for 3 1/2 hours this afternoon.  I was so tired.  I still feel really sleepy.

I'm getting the belly button pinching this evening.  It didn't start yesterday until the afternoon, and I was cleaning until around 3:30, not paying any attention to my body.  I fell asleep at 3:30 and I haven't felt anything other than heartburn when I've been sleeping.  This evening, when I got up off of the couch, my ovaries had some pain in them.  Then, while cooking dinner, the belly button pinching started.  I'm still having some slight cramping in my uterus and around that area.

I've been drinking a lot more than usual.  I've been peeing more too, but I'm not surprised since I'm drinking more.  However, my pee has become neon yellow.  The only different medicine I'm taking is the progesterone suppositories, and I don't remember them ever making my pee so bright in the past! 

I've been craving salt.  Dill pickles have tasted great, but they are salty.  Last night, we didn't eat dinner until almost 10pm, and we did a fend for yourself night.  Hubby made himself chicken sandwiches.  I made ramen noodles.  I had a bowl of chicken ramen, ate it then promptly went and made a bowl of the oriental flavored ramen.  It tasted so good.  However, it killed my stomach!  Ugh!  No slow potty this morning!

I'm curious how this next week will go, as far as symptoms.  If I am pregnant, nausea will probably set in later in the week, if things follow a similar pattern.  My breasts are tender, but not to the point of hurting.  Hubby says my nipples have darkened (sorry if its TMI, but its a sign of pregnancy) and I've developed little bumpies around the edge of my areola.  I guess these are glands that become prominent in some pregnant women.  It happened in my last two pregnancies.

I'm so nervous about testing because I want to be pregnant so bad.  I want it to be positive.  I just don't know if I am.  I've got a week before I can test.  Then if I am pregnant, its a 9 month or so wait to see if the baby gets here happy and healthy!  And oh lord, what if there are more than one in there?!